Taste the explosion: in her vagina!!!

Is your lady's stocking kinda rank? Well, maybe you need to stuff it with mints! Specifically, you could try stuffing it with Linger: Internal Feminine Flavoring. Linger was created to flavor the secretions of a woman when she is sexually aroused. Mmm... flavored secretions.

The product's website includes a classy origin tale involving a woman traveling in India and getting fingered by a man with skin the color of caramel. How exotic! See, as they were rounding the bases of love, she told Caramel Man that she was afraid she might taste nasty. Luckily, Caramel Man had a solution: he popped a mint up her vag. (Apparently he'd been with hippie American tourists before.) This allowed him to... linger. Are you aroused yet?

The enterprising woman smuggled the sex mint back to the states in order to reproduce it and share it with the world. For a profit of course. It's a classic tale of colonialism. What about Caramel Man? Is he gonna benefit from this? Maybe she feels like that big ol' piece of hair pie was payment enough.

But brace yourself: this inspiring story may not be entirely on the level. According to Mother Jones, Linger is made by Admints, a company that sells tins of cheap mints imprinted with advertising logos. The ingredients in those mints and the Linger mints are exactly the same. Whaaaaaaaa? So the vagina mints aren't an ancient, mystical, kama sutra secret? They're just regular old mints?

You might as well stuff your stocking with ordinary mints. They're a lot cheaper. Linger costs $7.99/tin. Plus, you can experiment with different kinds of mints. How about Onion Ring Mints?

Here are some other suggestions: Ranch Mints, Curry Mints, Bacon Mints, or my personal favorite, Fish Flavored Chum Mints. Explore the erotic possibilities! But be careful: if the mints have a lot of sugar in them, the only thing lingering will be a yeast infection!